NEWSFLASH: RANGERS SHARE QUAALUDE-LACED GATORADE PRIOR TO SENATORS GAME (Lundqvist in bathroom praying, Avery in shower smoking Sherm during half-hour drink-a-thon)
The Rangers tonight failed in an attempt to give up double-digit goals against conference rival Ottawa Senators, barely managing a regulation loss in the game’s final 1 1/4 minute. Goalie Henrik Lundqvist was brilliant throughout but ultimately couldn’t overcome his teammates’ concerted efforts to give away the puck in their defensive zone.
“If we can’t even clear the zone, we might as well just give it away,” defenseman Mike Rozsival was heard mumbling as the final horn sounded. “Is there any more Gatorade?”
Lundqvist was too overcome to comment on the loss, though Avery, as he left the Garden, shouted, “Hey I’m going wilding on Fashion Ave. Anyone up for an all nighter?”
